Bad (S)Ex
People always say that you can’t be friends with your ex. If things were so great, you’d still be together. But you have to be the one to prove them wrong, don’t you? You want to show that you are a more evolved person and, although you can’t figure out a Rubix Cube, you have neatly sorted out the more complex puzzle of the former lover. How do I know you so well? I AM you.
My ex and I have an interesting relationship. We live down the street from each other (when we first met he had just signed a lease for an apartment down the street from mine). Our hours are different enough that we don’t really bump into each other. But we profess to be those more evolved people. We make appointments to bump into each other. We grab lunch every now and then. We get coffee. We hang out and grab drinks. Whatever. We’re neighbors. It’s cool.
So you could have knocked me over with a feather when we went out to lunch to celebrate the fact that I found an apartment and we wound up sleeping together. It was supposed to be innocent, but I was in a good mood, we were having a good time, next thing you know, we’re making out and one thing led to another and there you go.
When it was over, I fled the apartment like it was on fire.
Once you’re in a relationship with someone and the feelings have petered out, it’s nearly impossible to re-define your relationship outside those sexual boundaries. Try as you might, you’re always going to go back to the relationship you know and are comfortable with. That relationship’s dead. But you get a little comfortable, a little lazy, a little less vigilant than you should, and next thing you know, you’re playing those rolls again. You weren’t friends in the first place, now you’re trying to be friends and you’re pushing the old relationship under the carpet. It never works.
So why do we try?
It’s hard to admit that a relationship has failed. It’s a letdown and it also means that a person who was so important in your life at one point is now no longer in your life at all. It’s not just that his position has changed. His position simply doesn’t exist anymore. So you take this person and you try to cram him into your life in another way. It doesn’t fit. You don’t care. Your friends can’t believe that you still talk to this person that hurt you/cheated on you/let you down etc. You don’t care. You are convinced that you are more evolved than your friends. You’re going to make it work and show them all. Keep twisting the Rubix Cube. You’re never going to get the colors to line up the way you want to.
The ex and I are still pretending to be friends. He emailed me the next morning to try to talk me down and we’ve exchanged voicemails. But I see myself falling right back into those same rolls again and again. Today, I had a problem and he was my first phone call. And he calmed me down and solved it. He’s falling into those same rolls, too. Now I feel even more determined to show that we can have a non-sexual relationship, despite the fact that, intellectually, I know better. My competitive side is coming out and I’m going to beat the odds dammit!
Still twisting the Rubix cube.
My ex and I have an interesting relationship. We live down the street from each other (when we first met he had just signed a lease for an apartment down the street from mine). Our hours are different enough that we don’t really bump into each other. But we profess to be those more evolved people. We make appointments to bump into each other. We grab lunch every now and then. We get coffee. We hang out and grab drinks. Whatever. We’re neighbors. It’s cool.
So you could have knocked me over with a feather when we went out to lunch to celebrate the fact that I found an apartment and we wound up sleeping together. It was supposed to be innocent, but I was in a good mood, we were having a good time, next thing you know, we’re making out and one thing led to another and there you go.
When it was over, I fled the apartment like it was on fire.
Once you’re in a relationship with someone and the feelings have petered out, it’s nearly impossible to re-define your relationship outside those sexual boundaries. Try as you might, you’re always going to go back to the relationship you know and are comfortable with. That relationship’s dead. But you get a little comfortable, a little lazy, a little less vigilant than you should, and next thing you know, you’re playing those rolls again. You weren’t friends in the first place, now you’re trying to be friends and you’re pushing the old relationship under the carpet. It never works.
So why do we try?
It’s hard to admit that a relationship has failed. It’s a letdown and it also means that a person who was so important in your life at one point is now no longer in your life at all. It’s not just that his position has changed. His position simply doesn’t exist anymore. So you take this person and you try to cram him into your life in another way. It doesn’t fit. You don’t care. Your friends can’t believe that you still talk to this person that hurt you/cheated on you/let you down etc. You don’t care. You are convinced that you are more evolved than your friends. You’re going to make it work and show them all. Keep twisting the Rubix Cube. You’re never going to get the colors to line up the way you want to.
The ex and I are still pretending to be friends. He emailed me the next morning to try to talk me down and we’ve exchanged voicemails. But I see myself falling right back into those same rolls again and again. Today, I had a problem and he was my first phone call. And he calmed me down and solved it. He’s falling into those same rolls, too. Now I feel even more determined to show that we can have a non-sexual relationship, despite the fact that, intellectually, I know better. My competitive side is coming out and I’m going to beat the odds dammit!
Still twisting the Rubix cube.
posted by Still Hopeful @ 7:16 PM
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